Complimentary Story
Our last article (February 2019) taught us that the husband’s responsibility in the marriage is to love, while the wife’s call is to respect. In this space, we will look at two more responsibilities within the home: the child’s responsibility to obey, and the parents’ duty to train. The word “children” is found in verses 20 and 31. In both, it is the Greek word, “teknon,” which refers to an offspring. There are some words that would point to a specific age group (i.e., infant, toddler, etc.), but this particular word does not restrict itself to a certain age range. The context here fences the age range of the “children” to those still under the care of their parents, from infant to teenager.
There are two main commands for children in the Scripture. The first is to honor father and mother. This is lifelong with no expiration date. The second command, obey your parents, is pertinent for the time before the child reaches adulthood and gains a home and family of his/her own.
The command in verse 20 for the child to obey is an instruction to do what he is told, with no restrictions. Of course, we know that obeying God will always override the commands of any other person, parent or otherwise, but part of God’s command for children is to obey their parents. In other words, unless they are instructed to do something God’s Word tells us not to do, children are to obey their parents “in the Lord” (Ephesians 6:1).
Children may not always like their parents’ rules and restrictions, yet the focus is on serving the Lord by obeying parents. Just like the husband loves his wife because Christ loved the Church, and just like the wife respects her husband out of respect for her Lord, the child is to obey his parents because it pleases the Lord. Actually, it is not only pleasing, but well-pleasing, meaning “acceptable,” or “satisfactory.” The child who wishes to have his actions accepted by the Lord will show obedience. Even for the child who is raised by grandparents, uncle/aunt, or adoptive parents, the instruction is the same — “obey in the Lord.”
Proverbs 1:7-8 reads: “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. My Son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother.” While both society and peer pressure push children to question and rebel against parents, the Bible says it is foolishness. God’s plan is that, while under their parents’ instruction, children are to be prepared to live a godly life by teaching them Biblical truth. The Lord desires the child to submit himself to training through obedience.
At our first glance at verse 21, it may seem odd that only fathers are called out. What is the reason the mother is not explicitly mentioned? We know it is not because the mother is the less important parent; generally, she is usually the most present and hands-on in the child’s life. There are probably two reasons for the focus on the father: mothers tend to be more nurturing and the father is the appointed head of the family so he is the one who will be held accountable for the training of his children. This doesn’t mean he has to personally do all of the training, or do so at the exclusion of the mother. It is because the Lord has ordained that the husband/father be the head of the family.
The instruction is that the father is not to provoke (“stir up, agitate, irritate”) his children to anger. Fathers have a tendency to expect more of their children than is reasonable and they often become agitated by a child’s curiosity and energy. A child’s training is to teach discipline with the goal being to encourage the child toward godly thinking and behavior. Discipline without benevolence can negatively affect a child’s behavior. You may get him to do the right things on the outside while inwardly waiting for the day he can openly rebel against your rule. A child can also be provoked by an overburdening father, for they are left with a feeling that they can never do enough to please him, leaving a son or daughter unmotivated and bitter. A father who demands perfection from his young son or daughter is exasperating his child.
The reason a father is instructed not to provoke his child is that the child will become discouraged, lose heart, give up, and become despondent. The goal of parents is to encourage, which includes training and disciplining their children in the Lord. In this endeavor, parents must not assume that their children are automatically saved just because they are. The Gospel of the Grace of God must be the focal point of all Biblical teaching to young and old alike. Each individual must decide for themselves to trust Christ as their Savior. No one, young or old, is saved just because they have Christian parents, attend church, pray, or read their Bible, etc.
A good example of a benevolent, patient father is our heavenly Father who loved us when we could do nothing right (we were sinners). He sent His Son to die for our sins so that we could be forgiven, given eternal life, and become a member of his heavenly family. When we trust in the work of Jesus Christ to save us, we instantly become a child of God. He remains patient with our behavior and offers the guidance and equipment needed to properly serve Him. This is what a parent should show to their children: unconditional love, proper resources for the child to grow, patience, guidance, and behavior that models the godly ideals they want to be instilled in their child.
May each of our relationships properly reflect our gracious God and Savior.
BEREAN BIBLE INSTITUTE
P. O. Box 587
Slinger, WI 53086
Phone: 262-644-5504
www.bereanbibleinstitute.org
E-mail:bbi@bereanbibleinstitute.org
