Complimentary Story
Summer 2026Do you know of a person that has been in and out of treatment many times but always goes back to drinking or using? Or someone you have given up on because they cannot or don’t want to quit drinking or using or gambling or acting out? Do you think they are hopeless? Do you want to give up on them? We know there are such people. Sadly, way too many of them. Some users will warp their mind and damage their body so badly, they will not be able to recover or get healthy. They are too far gone. Others should have been dead long ago and somehow stay alive.
Detaching from these types of people and situations is a subject all its own. Countless books have been written on this subject, and there are workshops, codependency recovery programs, and many other sources of support and information. Detaching with love hopefully, can be very difficult, perhaps impossible for some. But a drowning person cannot help others if they themselves are going underwater. So, if you and your life are being negatively affected by someone’s addiction, please get some help.
But this article is, more or less, about never giving up hope on someone that they may get well and recover. I will try to communicate what I have learned and experienced about this. Some of this I learned from others. Some I experienced on my own through my experiences with people. Very simply, what I have learned and experienced is this — never give up hope!
Now, I say this realistically. You’ve maybe heard about the three C’s? We didn’t cause it, we cannot control it and we can’t cure it — addiction, alcoholism or other addictions that is. I have experienced people that got clean and sober that most everyone would have called hopeless. Hopeless, too far gone, a lost cause. Many examples come to mind, but I will share two.
I was working at an AODA treatment agency that provided detox, inpatient and outpatient services. At a weekly staff meeting, we were advised that we were getting a person admitted that had been in and out of detox and possibly some level of treatment, something like twelve times in the past year. Some in the staff meeting probably rolled their eyes, and I suspect they probably thought “good luck” with this person.
This was a younger male individual, perhaps in their mid to late thirties. Well, guess what? Long story short, this person completed all our recommended programing. They stayed in contact with some of us at the treatment center and remained active in AA, not just a few months, but into several years. This person reestablished their life and became productive. I have no reason to think they are not still sober to this day.
Another person comes to mind. I did not meet this person. But this person’s history was that he was well off financially and would self-pay for detox services. He was alcoholic, and even though alcohol, in and of itself, is relatively easy to detox from, many times the alcohol’s negative effects and physical damage to the body and mind may have caused long term health concerns that require longer-term hospitalization or time in detox.
I was told about this person from a reliable source that actually knew this person. The alcoholic had self-paid for detox over a hundred times over many years. “Hopeless,” you might think. Well, this reliable person that knew this alcoholic individual got a call from his family a number of years later. The family wanted to pass along the fact that the alcoholic had died but died with fifteen years of continued sobriety.
Ponder this. The lesson is clear. You never know and can’t ever give up simple hope that someone will change. I learned this from many other stories similar to these.
These days, there are countless stories of hard-core users getting clean and staying that way. What a beautiful thing. The flip side is the disease is still killing people. Killing people in new and ugly ways. Sadly, I have experienced the disease taking the life of many people I have known or worked with. Sometimes the disease is directly the cause or sometimes the disease has contributed to the death through cirrhosis of the liver or suicide or overdose or relapse or violence or some other tragic circumstances.
My sponsor used to tell me he knew he had another drunk in himself, but he did not believe he had another recovery in him. He died with lengthy sobriety. I have seen many people get in recovery and keep their recovery that you would never have bet a nickel on. Never give up hope.
What about those that die from drinking or using or their addiction? For me, it is always a painful giant gut punch when I hear of the disease taking another life. I pause, pray for them and their loved ones and friends. I shake my head. I pause and thank God for my own recovery. I should have been long gone long ago and still could die from this disease if I don’t remain vigilant. We are never cured. You must stay grateful.
One final thought about those who do not make it. Those that die drunk or however, so to speak. I am reminded of something Father Joseph Martin said in one of his alcohol treatment films he made. Some of you may know of him. If not, look into who he was and his life and his contribution to the process of recovery. He made many films and spoke often. I actually had the privilege of hearing him speak in person and he held my infant son in his arms. I suggest you read the book titled “One Step More,” the story of his life. It is a great and moving book.
Father Martin said he believed this, but could not prove it, but he said, “Those that die drunk buy sobriety for others.” I have thought about that statement many, many times. I do not know, but I have concluded for myself that regarding those that the disease kills, directly or indirectly, they do not die in vain. Those that I knew that the disease killed, or others I’ve heard about that died, when I learn of another death, I am sad, very sad. Mad too. But their passing motivates me even more to continue in recovery, and to be mindful of relapse. To carry the message of recovery and to try and maintain a proper spiritual condition on a daily basis. They did not die in vain.
This is a chapter from my recently published book, “I Just Said My Prayers And Showed Up — Reflections of a former Addictions Counselor.” May it provide hope.
