Complimentary Story
(Disclaimer: This essay is NOT directed at the many faithful and honest pastors in America. May the Lord richly bless you, your families and your ministries).Sadly, far too many who bill themselves as “pastors” in this apostate age are a blight on the profession. The Bible refers to this group as “hirelings,” and they often fall into two distinct categories.
I’ll start with the Blustering Blowhards, as I have encountered a large number of them during my 30 years in independent Baptist circles. These guys are some combination of loud, crude and rude when the mood strikes. They can sound convincing at times, but many in this category are low on the brain power scale. This bunch often makes up for their lack of mental agility and a tendency to take the Bible out of context by frequent shouting for no reason, pounding the pulpit and repeating predictable cliches.
Blowhards love to act tough, with the emphasis on “act.” In reality (a word they despise), they are usually cowards when it comes to witnessing to the lost or stepping outside their safe turf and engaging in public ministry. How do I know? Let me count the ways.
Some friends and I have witnessed and held Bible signs at various homosexual rallies in Wisconsin since 2009. We have attempted to recruit others to join our small band. This includes calling and sending letters to pastors (complete with a reference) and speaking at a statewide pastors fellowship. We asked the pastors if they or a few men from their churches could join us once or twice a year.
The response? Zero, zip, nada — except for the two gutless eunuchs who contacted my former pastor because they were offended by our letter. One pastor from a small church was referred to us, and he came out and stood for the Lord at the sodomite event.
A family at my church recently moved 200 miles to join our small fellowship. Why did they make such an effort? They were tired of the total lack of public ministry and outreach at their former self-described “Bible-believing, independent, fundamental” church. This alleged “church” seems to be a clique for the perpetually timid and sanctimonious geeks rather than a true New Testament body of believers.
One pastor I have known for 17 years has sidestepped repeated invitations to join our ministry efforts. He displayed the most condescending smirk I have ever seen during his latest turndown of an opportunity to take a stand for the Lord. This is someone who is the epitome of the Blustering Blowhard, full of tough talk that is nothing but hot air and insincerity. Imagine if Barney Fife looked in the mirror and saw John Wayne. That describes the breed in a sentence.
Some Blustering Blowhards take the tendency to an extreme by pushing the unbiblical and hellish man-made doctrine of “pastoral authority.” This means the pastor runs (or attempts to micro-mismanage) every area of your life and family. It is one of the most enduring of the many pieces of trashy doctrine and unsound church practices promoted by the late Jack Hyles.
For some reason, a segment of the independent Baptist world is obsessed with receiving and granting honorary Ph.Ds from church-based schools. Many of these “colleges” have a lower academic standard than what can be found at the remedial level of two-year tech schools, so why do the Blowhards and others lust after these worthless honorary diplomas?
Like the first century Pharisees, they crave the attention and respect of men (Matthew 23:1-12). It’s laughable to see someone you might find stocking shelves to be a mental challenge insist on being addressed as “Doctor.” An unearned “degree” from one of their pals is the equivalent of Lucky Luciano receiving a character reference from Al Capone.
Blowhards are masters at preaching to the choir. They can rant and rave about alcohol and drugs to a crowd that avoids such vices while never saying a peep about gluttony, gossip and other topics that might hit home. This is often referred to as “hard preaching.” The hard part is putting up with such third-rate drivel week after week.
In their own way, the Whimpering Whiners are more honest than the Blowhards. That’s because they don’t hide their cowardice under a mask of feigned toughness.
This breed is easy to spot, as they are distinguished by preemptive apologizing. Imagine a cowering soul behind the pulpit opening his remarks with “I hope this doesn’t offend anyone,” “I hope this isn’t controversial” or other attempts at verbal groveling as he speaks. Don’t worry. You’ll never offend Satan’s stooges with your vigorous waving of the spiritual white flag.
Spineless whiners are as common as sparrows in evangelical circles. It seems like they eagerly compete to outdo each other in how much and how deeply they can compromise to and appease the Lord’s enemies. Joel Osteen is one of their main role models. Blowhards and Whiners alike tend to lack practical street smarts, but the Whimpering crowd takes naive to a whole new level.
Real men — Christian or otherwise — want to vomit when they hear the dreary metrosexual rambling from a wimp posing as a pastor. I ran across a prime example of the species while picketing a mosque with friends.
A car pulled up to our informal educational seminar on Islam. A man came out of the vehicle and identified himself as the missions pastor (true) of a nearby megachurch. He was clearly displeased with the content of my sign. It read, “ISLAM: Demonic, Deceitful, Deranged, Deadly, Destructive.” The hireling’s problem wasn’t with the repeated use of the letter D.
“I’m hurt by what you’re saying!” he said with a demeanor that sounded like a hissy fit. The “pastor” went on to explain that he took trips to overseas refugee camps to witness to Muslims. Somehow, my truthful and accurate sign supposedly offended those followers of Allah many thousands of miles from Wisconsin.
I told the pastor to quit whining and remarked that my concern with him was that he seemed to be in the Rick Warren/Chrislam camp.
“Oh, no!” he shouted. “I’m strictly orthodox.” To buttress his claim of being doctrinally sound, the pastor let us know that he was a graduate of the Yale School of Divinity. My friends and I couldn’t stop laughing at that true statement. What kind of person would use a prime example of apostasy as proof of his devotion to the Bible?
What should a person do if they are in the all too common dilemma of being unhappily stuck in a “church in name only?” It may take some serious searching and a longer drive than normal, but do whatever you can to attend a true church where the whole counsel of the Bible is preached honestly and without compromise. Good things often require effort and sacrifice, so don’t settle for blowhard blathering or wimpy weasel words from the pulpit.
